[Hindi_Jokes] KUCH JOKES AUR KUCH KAVITAYEIN
ek admi apni family doctors ke paas ja kar bola: "doctor saab, bibi ke liye jukam ka, bete ke liye khansi ka, beti ke liye bookhar ka, mammi ke liye peeth dard ka, papa ke liye ghutno ka dard ka dawai likh dijiye" doctor saab ne sab ka dawai likh kar phir woh admi se pusha, " baki sab log ghar mein thik thak hai na?????????" ************ do dost the. ek garib ek aamir the. jab bhi kehi ghumne jana hota ho to garib dost ne aamir dost ka shirt pehen kar jata. magar aamir dost ka maan mein kuch hota hai aur bato bato mein dushro ko kehne lagta hai, " mere dost ne jo shirt pehenkar aiya hai na woh mera shirt hai." garib dost ko aise bato mein zora apman mehsoos hota aur woh aamir dost ko kehta, "yaar, tere ko woh tera shirt hai, yeh sab bolne ka kya zaroori thi?" aamir dost ne bola,"thik hai aisa nahi baloonga." phir aagle ek din jab dono dost ne ghumne giya, phir garib dost ne aamir dost ka shirt pehen kar giya. ghumne wala jagah pahunch ne ke baad, aamir dost ke maan mein phir se kuch kehne ko dil aiya apni shirt ke bari mein, to ushne bato bato mein bolne laga, "mera dost jo shirt pehen kar aiya hai na woh mera nahi hai" phir garib dost ko ghuchha aiya. aur bolne laga,"kya zaroori thi ki jo main shirt pehen kar giya woh tera shirt nahi hai bolne ke liye." phir aamir dost ne kaha,"thik hai aisa nahi kahoonga" aur aagle ek din jab dono dost ghumne ke liye giya wohi phir garib dost ne aamir dost ka shirt pehen liya aur gantabya sthan pahunch kar, aamir dost ka maan mein phir wohi kheyal aiya. ush din aamir dost ne bao bato mein suru kiya, "woh jo shirt mere dost pehen kar aiya hai na ushka bari mein aaj main kuch bhi nahi kahoonga." ************ ek gaon mein ek budha aur budhi dampati tha. ek din dono ka bahut jagra ho gaya. to budha ne budhi ko bola "mein kaam dhanda dhunne ke liye yeh rajya se bahar ja raha hoon." to budhi ne ghuchhe ghuchhe mein budha ko kuch khane pine ka saman bandh di aur budha ko marne ke liye ush khane mein zahar mila di. chalte chalte bhudha ko sandaas(Latrine) jane ko ho gaya. Budha ne woh khane pine ki saman ko zheel ki kinare rakh kar thore door sandaas ke liye chala gaya. ushi waqt ek jungli hathi jo ki ush ilaaka mein apni utpat se hahakar macha rakha tha; ah gaya aur budha ka zahrile khana kha kar mar gaya. budha ne sandaas se ah kar dekha hathi ushka khana kha kar mara para hua hai. budha ko bahut ghuchha aiya aur mara hua hathi ko ushka mitti-pani se gili pao se do lath zor diya. ushi waqt udhar se gujarne wale logo ne dekha ki hahakar machane wale hathi ko woh budha ne do hi lath se mar dala aur ushki praman, hathi ke upar budha ka pao ka nishani sukha hua mitti laga hua hai. budha ka itna danka baaj giya ki ushki gunj ush rajya ka raja ka kano tak pahuch gaya. to raja ne ushe bula liya aur bahut sare dhan-daulat, heera moti de kar rajya ka ek ganya manya vyakti ke tor par ginti suru kar diya ek var padosi rajya se khabar aiya ki wohe budha ka rajya ke upaar aakraman karnewale hai. To raja ne budha ko bulaya aur basne ke liya budha ko ladne ko kaha. budha ab fas gaya. jaise hi ladai ka din aiya budha ne unshi unshi heel wala joota pehen liya. apni sharir mein bahut sare kapra mod kar (wrap) dekhne ke liya bahut hi pahalwan jaise kar diya aur ushke upaar visesh rup se silaiya dua poshak pehen kar super natural human ban gaya. jaise hi budha ne talwar hilaiwa padosi rajya ke sipahi ke hosh ud gaye aur wohe bhag khade hue. to ishi prakar ushi din bhi budha ne apni raja ko sankat se bacha liya.. Budha ka aur naam ho gaya aur wohe pradhan sena pati pana diya giya.. ************ ek din ek sahar mein ekeli ek ladki ko ghum ghum kar bhi raat bhar theherne ke liye koi bhi hotel mein khali kamra nahi mili. ek hotel wale ne kaha: "madam, khali room to nahi hai magar ek admi ek double bed ka room lekar rakha. yadi aapko koi aapti na ho to us aadmi ko push lijiye ho sakta hai ki woh apni bed ko share karein - jabki apke pass koi aur sara bhi nahi hai." "thik hai" bol kar woh ladki ne ush admi se bed ko share kar liya. bed ke beech mein ek takia rakh diya as a partition. subah ho gaya. ladki portic mein baithi hui thi. woh admi bhi uske pass aiya. ladki nishe garden mein khilti hui ek phool, red rose ki taraf dekh rahi thi. woh admi ne dekh kar ladki se push: "aap ko woh red rose bahut pasand hai?? tod kar le ao aap ke liye ????" ladki ne kaha: "jo mard ek takia ki partition bhed kar raat ko mere pass nahi ah saka woh mere liye phool le aakar kya karega?????" ************ teen mitra the. teeno ke teeno upar baat karne mein biswas rakhte the. koi bhi nishe baat karn nahi chahta. ek din teeno bateeate bateeate ............ Pehle mitra ne kaha: "mere daadaaji ka itne bade ek bhens tha ki usko duniya ki koi bhi ghar ke under nahi baandh saakta tha". Dushre mitra ne kaha: "humaara daadaa/pardaadaa ka itne bade ghar tha ki humaaraa daadaaji ne ek ek room mein ek ek raat sone ke baad sha saal ji kar mere daadaaji ka parlokgami ho gaya tha". teesre mitra ne kaha: "mere daadaaji ka ek itne bade dhol tha ki usko rakhne ke liye koi ghar nahi milta tha". Pehela mitra ne teesre mitra ko kaha : "tu yaar juth bol raha hai. itne bade dhol banane ke liye kaha se le kar aiye the bhens ka samree." teesre mitra ne pehela mitra ko jabab diya: "yaar tere daadaaji ka bhens ka samree". doosre mitra ne teesre mitra se kaha: "sachhi mein yaar tu jooth bol raha hai. tere daadaaji ne kaha rakhte the dhol ko". teesre mitra ne doosre mitra ko jabab diya: "tere daadaaji ke ghar mein". ************ ek deen deepu bolke 8 saal ka ladka parosi ke ghar mein ja kar unki bhi 8 saal ki ladki priyanka ko nange ho kar aaghosh mein simot le kar chumbi le raha tha. thik usi samay priyanka ki maa-baap ah dhamke. pushne par deepu ne jabab mein jo bataya woh sunkar priyanka ka maa-baap ne daton tale anguli hi daba liya: "jab ghar mein maine aapna daddy-mom ko kabhi bhi ish halat mein dekhta hoon, pushne par mujhe mera daddy-mom bolte hai 'beta jab bhi hum ek doosreko pyar karte hai aisehi karte hoon'. so maine bhi priyanka ko aisi hi pyar karne ko saha". ************ ek aadmi hotel mein aakar waiter ko bola "wowe garam kya hai le aao" waiter ne samosa le aaya. customer ne bola "ishe garam kya hai le aao" waiter ne chay ka cup le aaya customer ne bola "ishe garam kya hai le aao" waiter ne ek jalti hui kayola ka aangotha plate par le ja kar rakh diya. customer ne bhi ek cigarette nikala aur jalakar chala gaya ************ ek beta nay nay sasural mein ja raha tha. to maa ne beta ko bola - "sasural mein ja kar kabhi bhi nishe baat nahi karna. hamesa upar baat karna aur nishe nahi baithna - thik hai beta". beta ne bhi bola - "thik hai maa" jaise hi sasural mein pahucha; sashur ne chair diya baithno ko. Uska maa ka yaad ayya aur ja kar ghar ka upaar baith gaya. sash sashur bulane par bhi nishe nahi ah raha tha. bada hi muskil se nishe la kar baithayya ki jamai raja ko khansi aw gaya. sashur ne pusha " kya beta khansi hua hai kya". jamai raja ne ghap kare uttar diya "khansi kyu TB hua mera" ************ ek madrasi aurat and ek punjabi aurat dost ban gaye. aadat ki matabik punjabi aurat kameez-salwaar aur madrasi aurat saree pehente hai. magar ek din dono ne ghumne ka plan banaya aur ek dusreka pehenawa ko badli karke pehenneko than liya. To madrasini pehan lee salwaar kaameez aur punjabini ne pehen lee saree. raste mein chalte chalte un dono ko pisab lag gai.. pisab karne ke bad aadat ki matabik madrasini ne kapra hath se chod dee aur punjabini ne kapra ko upar utha lee......... ************ BHAAG I ek ekala budha tha. ushka ek tota ke siva aur koi nahi tha. Oh hamesa tota ko samne rakhkar bhikh manga karte the. ek rose teen bandhu ah kar budhha ke pas baith giye aur pushne lage ki ish tota ke kya kam hai. Budha ne bola ish umar mein ushke aur koi nahi hone se yehi tota ushke liye bhudhe ka sari aur sahara hai. ehi tota ne ushke liye bazar kar ke late. machliya pakadte aur har koi kam kar lete. yeh ush ka beta jaise hi hai. yeh sunkar teeno bandhu ne ush tota ko kharidne ka jojona banaya. Bola, "dadaji kitne bhi paise ho batao, hum ushko kharidne chahte hai" Budhhe ne inkar karte hua beshne se mana kar diya kyu ke owe budha kaal ka sahara ko nahi besh shakte. To teeno bandhu ne dhamki di, " agar rupeeya ke liye nahi dete ho to ushko hum aise hi le jayange" Budhhe ne bola, "thik hai jo daam bola ushka duguna daam mein dunga." To teeno bandhu ne ohi daam de kar ush tota ko ghar le gaya. ghar le jate hi teeno bandhu ne ushko khol kar ud jane diya aur bole, "hamare liye daru ka bottle aur kuch namkeen le ao". bahut der ke baad bhi jab tota wapas nahi aiya, teeno bandhu ke hosh ud gaya aur budhe ka ghar ki taraf kus kar diya aur ah dhamke. BHAAG - II Budhe ne ush samay ek talwar haat mein le kar rakha tha oh bhi khoon se range huye. yeh drishwa dekh kar teeno bandhu ke hakka baakka rah giye, hosh ud gaye aur pushne lage, "kya hua baap, aap itne kyo hafne,kapne lage aur ye khoon?" yehi sunkar budhha ne bolne laga, "yeh jo dekh rahe hai talwar, yeh aise waise talwar nahi. yeh jadu e samatkar ka talwar hai, abhi abhi main apni bibi ko kaat kar aah raha hoon. mere bibi bade hi nakhre baaj aur kaam chor hai, To ushko main teen bar ish talwar se var kiya, to ushne uthkar fatafat pure ghar ka kaam nipta rahi hai. yeh talwar se ek bar var karo to thoda sa bibi harkat mein ata hai. dushree bar var karo to aur thoda harkat mein ata. teesri bar var karne se bibi ekdam pura ka pura harkat mein ati aur har kaam jaldi se jaldi nipta leti hai." yeh sunkar teeno bandhu bade hi khush ho gaya aur kehne lage, "baap yeh talwar hume de do. jo bhi daam hai le lo. hamare bhi bibiya bade hi nakhre baaj aur battameez hai. kaam to karte hi nahi. hame hi bahar bhi aur ghar mein bhi kaam karne parte. budhe ne to pehle na nukur kiya. baad mein man chahe daam mein de diya ush talwar ko teeno bandhu ko. pehla deen pehla bandhu ne rakh liya talwar ko. aagle din baki dono bandhu ne pehla bandhu ka ghar mein aye kya hua dekhne ke liye. To dono bandhu ne dekha ki pehla bandhu ka ghar ush din bada hi saaf tha baki din ki tulna mein. dono bandhu khush ho gaya. to dushra bandhu ne le gaya talwar ko dushre din. thik aagle hi din teesre bandhu and pehla bandhu dekhne aiye dushre bandhu ka ghar kaisa saaf hua. dekha ki dushre bandhu ka ghar ki andar bhi aur ghar ki peechewala angan bhi saaf ho gaya. teesre din teeshra bandhu ka bari tha. pehla aur dooshra bandhu ne teeshre bandhu ka ghar dekhne giya to dekha ki teeshra bandhu ka ghar bhi peeche wala angan bhi aur ekdam ushka seema ka naala tak saaf hua. to dono bandhu ne teeshra bandhu ko pusha kya hua itne saaf kaise hua. to teeshra bandhu ne rote huye kehne laga....... "mere bibi bechari bahut hi khubshoorat, damdaar and himmatwali thi, woh mujse bahut hi pyar kiya karti thi. jab mein pehla var kiya to woh samaj nahi payi aur ek var kha kar peechewali angan ki aur daur lagai. phir main peecha kar ke aur ek var ki to woh adh mara ho kar apni seema ki aur nale ki taraf daur lagai. maine phir ek var kiya to woh wohi dher ho gayi. mujhe ishiliye nale ki kinara tak ki jagaho mein khoon ki dhabbe saaf karna para." dooshra bandhu ne bhi ro ro kar kehne laga, " tumhara bibi to bahut hi himmatdar thi. teesra var tak zinda rahi aur seema ki nale tak aah pouhucha. mera bibi to dooshri hi var mein peechewala angan mein hi dher ho gaya." ishiliye mera peechewala angan tak khoon ke dhabbe saaf karna para." pehla bandhu ne bhi ro ro kar hi kehne laga, " mera bibi bechari bahut hi kam zor thi. pehla var mein hi woh ghar ki andar hi dam tod di thi. ishiliye mera sirf ghar ki andar hi khoon ka dhabbe saaf karna para.." phir teeno bandhu ne bola, "chalo ishbar budha se pura paise bhi wasul kar lete aur mar ke bhi aate." BHAAG - III teeno bandhu budhhe ke bhar pahuse. dekha ki budha ka ghar ka darwaza bandh para hua hai. zor se awaz dene laga to budha ne andar se hi kehne laga........ "main uth nahi sakta. mera do din se bahut bukhar hai. tumlogo ko baat karna hai to bari bari se aakar ghar ki peeche wala khirki se baat karo." woh khirki mein sirf admi ka naak ghuste the aur kuch bhi nahi dekhai dete the. pehla bandhu ne aakar jaise hi baat karna saha - budha ne uska naak kaat liya. ishi tarike se, budhe ne teeno bandhu ke naak kaat liya. phir teeno bandhu ne apaas mein bolne lage........ "yaar pehle to hamari paise loot lee. uske baad hamaari bibio ko marwa dali. ab hamari naak bhi kat li. uske baad hamari jaan le lega. bhai o bhago bhago idhar se....... aur kabhi ish budha ki taraf dekhna nahi ............ ************ LIFE IS A CHALLANGE; ACCEPT IT. LIFE IS an EXAMINATION, PASS IT. ************ for me life is an unsolved very hard to understand 'mathematics' @@@@@@@@@@@@ woh HI! kahi main HELLO kaha aur dono ka pyar ho gaya bahut sare batein ki bahut sare ujagari raate bitai unki yadon mein patahi nahi chala pyar ka khumar mein raat din kaise nikal gayi magar kabhi mil nahi paya kyu ki woh mujhe internet mein hi mili thi !!!!!!!!!!!! na main unko janu na woh mujhe pehchane kyu ki dono ka PROFILE hi BLANK THA kuch na tha ki unki pata dhun lu dil mein jag utha pyar dil mein hi dafan ho gaya aaj tak unko dhun nahi paya kyu ki unka e-mail: ID hi YAHOO se COLLAPSE ho gaya !!!!!!!!!!!! ************ holi ka rang fika pad giya mubarakbad gali mein tabdili ho gaya dost ki dharana..... jab matlab aah jate hai bolte, "BABUJI" jab matlab nikal jate kehte, "AAP AB KYON SA KHET KA MULI" agar halat patli ho gayi ho to apni ristedaro ne zor ka jhatka dheere se laga ke pushte hai...... 'HUM AAP KE HAI KYON' gali ya nafrat nahi diya tha pyar bhari do mohabbat ki batein kiya tha jo ki itna ghuchha kha gaya insan akhir apni akath main ah hi giya agar pyar hi nahi tha kisi ka pyar ko pyar se bhi nakara ya inkar kiya ja sakta tha chaliye jo bhi hua achha hi hua chalte chalte APRIL FOOL aur THE END hua ************ log to aate rahte jaate rahte dost milte rahte buchurte rahte magar yadein rah jate !!!!!!!!!!!! ************ |
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posted by Raghubar at
2:18 AM
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