[hindi_jokes] FW: jokes
yeh IT wale aaise hote hai kya ??
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating
and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of
Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady
Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to
Kabaarkhana
And
Finally.....
............
............
............
21.PATNI :
Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
------------
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of
their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.
I noticed their Disney password
was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPl
long.
"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at
least four characters."
Pehla Pagal : Ager tum batao kay is Box mein kia hai tu
ye anday tumhara
aur ager tum ye bata du kay ye kitnay anday hain tu 5
kay 5 tumharay aur
ager tum ye bata dogay ye kis kay anday hain tu wo morgi
bhi tumhari.
Dosra Pagal : Yaar koi hint to du.
Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak
tayyar nahi howa?
Hotel Wala : Bhai sahab kahan tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar
hai bas gharam ho raha hai.
The Burnt Ears
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who
asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears
covered with bandages.
He said: "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell
rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the
iron, so i burnt my ear."
The man asked "So what happened to your other ear?"
He said "That same stupid guy called again"
"Help.... The Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or
praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools
making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up
To the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles
from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards... !!
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've
never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an
eighteen-year-
child.What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man
asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then
said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who
is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But,
one day he's in a bit of hurry and he accidentally grabs
his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the
woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some
bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points
it at the lion and squeezes the handle. BAM! The lion
drop s dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in
disbelief. "Someone else must have shot that lion."
"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu :
1. That ball went so high it could have got an air
hostess down with it.
2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India,
but it's that of an incoming train which will run them
over.
3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when
you are bald.
4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a
run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in
the third test against the West Indies at
the rope."
5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.
6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than
what they hide.
7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way
they will turn!
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a
lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell
you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the
whole world, which does not have wings!
10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the
Indians are in the sea.
12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a
haystack.
13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a
topless bar!
15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the
cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in
everything else falls!
16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss
without a Squeeze.
17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a
goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to
19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first
two bites too.
20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to
score a six.
21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third
umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the
second test at
who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm
23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a
puncture or two.
24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or
losing your pants.
25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming
youth.
27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-
boiled egg.
28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking
competition.
29. The third umpires should be changed as often as
nappies and for the same reason.
30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.
3 people in hell. god asks them last wish. american says
i want to talk to my country.
he goes and talks to his country for 1 minute. comes
back and pays 1000 dollars.
then a pakistani is like" i want to talk to my country
too".
so he talks to his country for 1 minute and pays 1000
rupees.
then the indian says, i also want to talk to my country.
he goes and talks for hours and hours.
when he comes back, he pays 1 rupee.
the american and pakistani r outraged.
they ask god whay they paid 1000 of their currency why
indian paid 1 of his currency.
god says, "from hell to hell, its a local call".
A guy rides up in a scooter to a theatre and asks
another person "Where is the scooter stand?"
The other person replies, "Tell me, what is your name?"
"Ramesh", he answered somewhat puzzled.
"What do your parents do?"
"Why? My mother's a doctor and my father's an engineer"
"Are you endowed with property and things like that?"
"Yes", he said more puzzled now, "We in fact have quite
a bit of property back in our village"
"What is your qualification?"
"I've done M. Com"
"Look, Mister. You have a good background, both your
parents have high qualifications an! d in fact, you
yourself have done M.Com and yet you don't know the
simple fact that a scooter stand is fixed to the bottom
of the scooter."
For all u smokers.....
A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large
building. The
second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.
The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how
you chain-smoke.
How many packs do you smoke a day?"
"Four."
"How long have you been smoking?"
"Thirty years."
"That's over forty thousand packs. Why, if you didn't
smoke, you could
have saved enough money to buy this building."
The smoker takes a deep puff and says, "Do you smoke?"
"Never."
"Do you own this building?"
"No."
"Well, I do."
It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because
the year ONLY has 365' days.
Typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays-52, Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are
for rest. Days left 313.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and
difficult to study. Days left 263.
3. 8 hours daily sleep- 130 days GONE. Days left 141.
4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15
days. Days left 126.
5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing
properly & swallowing)-
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means
15 days. days left 81.
7. Exam days- per year at least 35 days. Days left 46.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40
days.Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness- at least 3 days. Remaining days=3.
10. Movies and functions - at least 2 days. 1 day
left.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day??????!!!
Balance = 0
"How can a student pass ??"
A Marine was deployed to
he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend.
In the letter she explained that she had found a new guy
while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with
him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the marine did what any squared-away
marine would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all thd unwanted photos of women he could
find! .
He then mailed about 25 pictures of women to
his girlfriend with the following note:"I don't remember
which one you are. Please remove your picture and send
the rest back."
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/selectedmails
TO GET FEW SELECTED PICTURES,MOVIES,JOKES ETC
(2-3 EMAILS PER DAY.)
THIS GROUP IS FOR THOSE WHO WANT FEW SELECTED
EMAILS INSTEAD OF READING TOO MANY MAILS.
GANESH KUMBLE
ganeshkumble11@gmail.com
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posted by Raghubar at
8:55 PM
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