[hindi_jokes] Its tim,e to laugh...(prishi)
A man comes home from a hard days work to find some weight lifting equipment on the stairs, he asks his wife what the hell she is doing wasting money on the gear, and she says that they will help her increase her breast size.
he says "All you need is some toilet paper!".
She seems puzzled, "Yeah all you need to do is rub the toilet paper between your bust, and it makes them bigger".
"How do you know?" she asked
"Well look what its done to your bum!"
he says "All you need is some toilet paper!".
She seems puzzled, "Yeah all you need to do is rub the toilet paper between your bust, and it makes them bigger".
"How do you know?" she asked
"Well look what its done to your bum!"
You are so poor you eat cereal with forks to save milk!
You are so poor your face is on the cover of a food stamp!
You are s o poor when I walked in your front door a mouse tripped me and a cockroach stole my wallet!
You are so poor I walked in your house and asked to use the
bathroom and you told me to pick a corner!
You are so poor that you use dental floss as toilet paper!
You're so poor that yesterday I saw your mother moving a trashcan from one street to another. I asked what was she doing and she said, ''I am moving it's too noisy over there!
You are so poor your face is on the cover of a food stamp!
You are s o poor when I walked in your front door a mouse tripped me and a cockroach stole my wallet!
You are so poor I walked in your house and asked to use the
bathroom and you told me to pick a corner!
You are so poor that you use dental floss as toilet paper!
You're so poor that yesterday I saw your mother moving a trashcan from one street to another. I asked what was she doing and she said, ''I am moving it's too noisy over there!
Question. what do you do if a Bernard Manning throws a grenade at you?
Answer. take out the pin and throw it back.
Answer. take out the pin and throw it back.
Three clever men and one wise man are walking in the desert, whe n they find the bleached skeleton of a lion. The first clever man says, "I can rebuild the skeleton," and does so. The second clever man says, "I can rebuild the muscles and organs," and does so. The third clever man says, "I can breathe the spirit of life back into the body," and does so.
The wise man says, "Excuse me, but I am going to climb this tree."
The wise man says, "Excuse me, but I am going to climb this tree."
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, "I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
The man was very upset and yelled, "You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away."
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. "And don't get a drop of paint on your habits," she sternly admonishes.
The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"Blind man," comes the reply.
The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.
"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"
The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take them off, paint the room, then put them back on. So they strip, and begin painting.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" asks one of the nuns.
"Blind man," comes the reply.
The nuns look at each other and shrug. "No harm letting him in," one says, and opens the door.
"Whoa, sister! Where do you want these blinds?"
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.
"Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.
"That's surely something', Willard. How long it take you?"
"Only two weeks."
"Never done a puzzle myself," Jess said. "Is two weeks fast?"
"Darn tooting'," Willard said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years.'"
"Look what I've done, Jess," he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.
"That's surely something', Willard. How long it take you?"
"Only two weeks."
"Never done a puzzle myself," Jess said. "Is two weeks fast?"
"Darn tooting'," Willard said. "Look at the box. It says, 'From two to four years.'"
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He ret urned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're going to build a house."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He ret urned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.
"Alright. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're going to build a house."
A man was lying on his death-bed in a hospital when suddenly he began flailing his arms and making motions as if he wanted to speak.
The priest, keeping a bedside watch, leaned towards the man and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?"
The man nodded affirmatively. The priest handed him a pad and pen. "I realize that, in your condition, you can't speak. Here, write a note on this pad of paper and I'll pass it along to your wife. She's in the waiting room." The man gathered his las t bit of strength and proceeded to scrawl his message on the pad of paper. He then quickly handed the note to the priest. Moments later, the man died.
After administering last rites, the priest left the man's bedside to break the sad news to the wife. After some consoling, the priest handed her the note.
The wife tearfully opened the note which read, "Get off my damn oxygen hose!"
The priest, keeping a bedside watch, leaned towards the man and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?"
The man nodded affirmatively. The priest handed him a pad and pen. "I realize that, in your condition, you can't speak. Here, write a note on this pad of paper and I'll pass it along to your wife. She's in the waiting room." The man gathered his las t bit of strength and proceeded to scrawl his message on the pad of paper. He then quickly handed the note to the priest. Moments later, the man died.
After administering last rites, the priest left the man's bedside to break the sad news to the wife. After some consoling, the priest handed her the note.
The wife tearfully opened the note which read, "Get off my damn oxygen hose!"
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posted by Raghubar at
11:13 PM
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