[hindi_jokes] PARTY-EATING TIPS
SOME CHRISTMAS
PARTY-EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they are serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can, and very quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it is rare. In fact, it is even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can*t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It is not as if you are going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It is a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me -- have two. It*s later than you think. And, it IS Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That is the whole point of gravy. Gravy doesn't stand alone. Pour it on. Make a creative volcano out of your mashed potatoes and fill it to the very top with that luscious gravy. Eat that volcano and then repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it*s skim milk -- pass. Why even bother? Otherwise, it*s just like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Don*t have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people*s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and the New Year*s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying that ten-pound plate of food and the vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and do not budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. Remember: These cookies are like a beautiful pair of shoes -- if you leave them behind, you are never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies....apple, pumpkin, pecan , mincemeat and have a slice of each. (If you don*t like mincemeat, have two apples, one pecan and one pumpkin -- always have three.) When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention the Christmas fruitcake? Granted, it*s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don*t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you've not been paying attention. Re-read these tips and just start over, but hurry -- January is just around the corner.
FOLLOWING GROUPS ARE OWNED BY GANESH KUMBLE.
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posted by Raghubar at
5:13 PM
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